“If we don’t stop Hussein soon, any future conflict with this madman would be a nuclear bloodbath.”

The interpreter couldn’t translate this, however, since there is no word for “bath” in French.

Notice how slimy and filthy that god damn city is. Why would anyone want to call this the city of love and why would anyone want to come here ?

God damn French people !

Dear mr. Frenchhater, what the hell are you doing? Are you dead or
something? Did the slimy french kidnapped you? Did you kidnapped the
slimy french?

1) Well I was pretty busy wrestling the god damn slimy french.
2) Not dead. Yet.
3) Yes, the slimy french did.
4) They’re very slimy and hard to capture, but you don’t NEED to kidnap a slimy french man, because he’ll surrender anyway, and you don’t NEED to kidnap a hairy armpit french woman, because she’ll do you for free anyway.

Hi !
I am canadian immigrant , and, my dreams is to come to live in French.
For this reason, I will reading your blog with much attention : I want
to know the dark side of France !
I am little confuzion : why you don’t muve in anodher country ?
Thank you !

I’ll excuse the english.
In my opinion you’re probably a secret french assasin that wants to know how much do I know of the french dark side.
I’m not going to tell you. Ever. French ever.

Why don’t I move in another country ?
Well my home is in the US, but I live most of the time in a rented place in Paris, because I work with french people all day.
So why move from the US ?

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, and try to post better questions.

So I did a little research to find out more about the mysterious hidden slimy French heaven, and I did find a thing or two about it.

The (Slimy) French Heaven is just like our Heaven … but with a slight twist, to make it deserve the “French” name.
Instead of fluffy white amazing clouds, in French heaven you’ll find smelly garlic clouds.
Instead of rivers with pure water, you’ll find the magnificent river of slime. A brownish-green french slime, not just any slime.
Instead of shiny gold gates to divide the heavenly zones, in french heaven you’ll encounter baguettes and croissants that form those boundaries.

If you’re not French, you’ll probably not last one second in French heaven, because it’s filled with cigarette smoke, so only French people can see and breathe in it. Also, the slimy French have their god, and yes, He’s wearing a beret.

And now you know how French heaven is like. Probably the French hell is like New York.

They do have stupid pathetic jobs like being a mime, being a French president or being a basic french gaytard (gay + retard). But they’re artists, so that’s ok. They say they see the world in a different way. Probably a gaytard way.

Have a look at the following artists. Don’t they look like slimy french gaytarded to you ?

Why do the slimy cigarette smoking french be artists ? And why do artist have to be so gay ?
Nobody really knows. No one really cares.

But you can’t move through Paris without seeing entire streets filled with berret wearing moustached french slimy gay mimes with striped shirts and shitty shoes, among the huge crowd of women with hairy armpits and the non-mime gaytards, the one with a canvas and a brush. It’s horrible.

Why doesn’t anyone nuke these bastards ?

I wrote about the French Day last year, but it seems to have come again.
So … I bet you’re all wondering:
a) Why is the 14th of July the French national day ?
b) Why do the French even have a national day ?
c) Why am I not wondering about anything ?

Let’s start.

Why is the 14th of July the French national day ?
I can’t really tell you that because I don’t really care, but after a quick web search (on google.fr !!!!!!) I ended up on Wikipedia (also in French, because it’s so damn garlic-shit-infested by those slimy assholes we call frenchmen cool) where it sais:

It commemorates the 1790 Fête de la Fédération, held on the first anniversary of the storming of the Bastille on 14 July 1789; the anniversary of the storming of the Bastille was seen as a symbol of the uprising of the modern French nation, and of the reconciliation of all the French inside the constitutional monarchy which preceded the First Republic, during the French Revolution.

So, the 14th of July is the French national holiday because there was a french storm and the old French nation drowned in Bastille, while the more evolved modern french people lived on. The part about the First Republic is bullshit and I don’t really get why they mention the French Revolution, because we all know it ended quickly with all the slimy french revolutionaries surrendering.

That settles that. Next !

Why do the French even have a national day ?
That, my french hating friends, is still an universal mystery. I mean why do the french anything ?
Scientists can’t study that, because the french are too smelly, slimy and rude to be studied (even while dead, decomposing, or both), so they can say that the most probable cause for the French to have a national day is to show us they’re a cool nation and go with the international trends.
I don’t really agree, because I think the slimy french are too rude to care about what is cool. They still wear berets you know !

I think that the French have a national day to show us their magnificent surrendering tanks, surrender jets, surrendering army, generals with brown pants, the most hairiest french women prostitutes, and to smoke together so they can make a huge smoke cloud to cloak France from American satellites. Actually as I’m writing this, there are pretty big clouds in the French Parisian sky.

Why am I not wondering about anything ?
You’re probably French. Check your pants … are they brown ?
If they’re not, you’re either on a modern american toilet (because on the french ones you will surely crap on your pants) or you’re a french woman (thus not wearing any pants at all).
You should also check for a French accent while you speak, and re-check the number of cigarettes you smoke daily.
I hate you.

That’s all for today, hope you understood the French nation more with this magnificent post.
And yeah, die in horrible pain you french sons of french hairy smelly surrendering bitches long live the French.

Something is really wrong. And fishy.
French fishy, not the regular fish smell, the french slimy fish smell.

Hmm.

I was in shape when I started this blog … I even wrote the first two weeks’ post in a matter of days.
I was still doing good in December I guess (french guess, not any casual guess type), I planned several side-french-projects, like a French weekly comic book, a funny French video collection, funny french movie facts, pick-ze-french and some posting habits (like the french aerial pictures).
But then my (not french) kid came along (run frenchies, run !!!) and my life became more wonderful (of course excepting the french presence which I really still hate) and really turned upside-down (babies are very difficult … but since this baby is the end of France, I guess it’s worth a little effort).

I’m really hoping to get some time, new ideas and the mood to take care of this French bashing blog, but until that magnificent frenchhating day comes … I’ll have to put this blog on hold (which if you’re french and didn’t understand, it means i’ll take a break from the blog).

If you have some content you’d like placed here, please use the “Help” page or if you have any french questions, please use the “Ask Frenchhater”.

As some great men once said : “May the French be with you” … or … hmm …