For he’s a jolly french fella
Bonjour bonjour.
Today’s french topic : French birthdays.
Have you ever been to one ? I know I have.
It has been so horrible, so disgusting, so sickening, that it took me a couple of days to recover.
I’ve been to the french birthday of a slimy french colleague 4 days ago, and as much as I hate the french, I didn’t expect what I was about to witness.
First of all, before entering the building with the party, I felt a fowl scent in the air. Some kind of motor oil + garlic + dog crap mixed smell. Very very very disturbing. But I held my breath and carried on to the party.
The first thing I noticed at the party were the french women. None of them had sleeves, so I had to pray that they won’t lift up their arms to present their hairy armpits to me. That didn’t work actually, because they were dancing and french women use the “surrender” dance a lot, holding their hands up while moving their hairy asses.
The second thing I noticed was the smoke coming through my nose, mouth and maybe even ears and eyes. A thick thick layer of smoke, and to be honest I don’t think I saw anyone NOT smoking there. Amazingly the windows were open, but somehow the smoke wasn’t going out.
The thing that put an end to everything was a mime. A french mime.
What in France’s name did a fucking mime have to do with the birthday ? The celebrated french colleague wasn’t 6 years old.
And wasn’t just any mime, was an all french mime. Beret, striped shirt, with a cigar in the mouth (although I don’t think he was smoking it, just letting the smoke flow in), white face.
Anyway, I had some drinks, I ate some cake (tasted like it was expired or something), and then I felt so sick I got to a french god damn hospital, where the french motherfuckers didn’t speak english. I finally somehow puked the thing out, but felt sick for about two more weeks.
So yeah, the slimy French have found a way to prevent me from writing. But they haven’t stopped me completely yet.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Wow, wow, wow…
Welcome to http://www.sexhater.com, aka http://www.ihatemyself.com.
It is obvious that you have serious problems with your own sexuality.
Especially when reading this post: “fowl scent”, “hairy armpits”, “hairy asses”…
Unsatisfied sexual tendencies? Suppressed homosexuality? Hatred of your own body? Rejection of sensuality / corporality in general?
In the good old WASP tradition, “French” is a symbol for sexual depravation, corporal dirtiness, lust, etc.
Let’s face the facts: French (better said: antediluvian US clichés on France) are not the real subject of your blog. And this is precisely why it is just fascinating. I forwarded the link to some fellow psychology students. You have a new fan, and will soon have more.
Dr Fwance
PS: Have you ever considered starting a psychotherapy? Would you like to talk about it?
(Unless this blog IS your psychotherapy. After all, just go on with it if it makes you feel better. It’s much cheaper than consulting a specialist.)
May 6th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
“I’ve been to the french birthday of a slimy french colleague 4 days ago”
” …but felt sick for about two more weeks.”
sooo… you started to write it 4 days after the party and finished it.. .about 10 days later…. or maybe 4 days after the party you had already 2-weeks experience because… you are full of shit just like ur stories are?
) may have hurt you some time ago and now you see no other way to express ur problems then to write this pathetic blog.
anyway, kiddo, its obvious that you have problems with yourself.
Poor boy, maybe some bad French people (let me quess, French girls?
Actually its funny and very interesting to read things like this for me, and to observe how fucked up other people are… its sad to admit but its truth that you feel.. kind of…much better after you discover how week and pitiable the others are, and you are….above that all
PS. Im not from france by the way! It really doesn’t matter if you are writing that about people from france, spain, UK, USA, I really don’t give a fuck.
PPS. Im sure if Hitler lived in the times when you can have a blog, his would look quite similar to yours heheehehe…
Take care you stupid dumb-ass!
hope you’ll recover from your depression soon, before you jump from a window with baguette in your hand screaming “I hate Freeeeeeeench peopleeeeee”…….. hehe…:P
May 6th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
No, you frenchie, no.
I started writing this 4 days after the party and I reached the “The first thing I noticed at the party were the french women.” part.
Then the god damn post was saved to the blog’s drafts section until a couple of days ago when I reopened it and completed the rest of the post.
So you should make a french-apology and go eat some cheese.