I hate french people

It’s that god damn cursed day again. The French Day.
Also known as Bastille day, or “ze French national (holi)day”.

I wrote about the French Day last year, but it seems to have come again.
So … I bet you’re all wondering:
a) Why is the 14th of July the French national day ?
b) Why do the French even have a national day ?
c) Why am I not wondering about anything ?

Let’s start.

Why is the 14th of July the French national day ?
I can’t really tell you that because I don’t really care, but after a quick web search (on google.fr !!!!!!) I ended up on Wikipedia (also in French, because it’s so damn garlic-shit-infested by those slimy assholes we call frenchmen cool) where it sais:

It commemorates the 1790 Fête de la Fédération, held on the first anniversary of the storming of the Bastille on 14 July 1789; the anniversary of the storming of the Bastille was seen as a symbol of the uprising of the modern French nation, and of the reconciliation of all the French inside the constitutional monarchy which preceded the First Republic, during the French Revolution.

So, the 14th of July is the French national holiday because there was a french storm and the old French nation drowned in Bastille, while the more evolved modern french people lived on. The part about the First Republic is bullshit and I don’t really get why they mention the French Revolution, because we all know it ended quickly with all the slimy french revolutionaries surrendering.

That settles that. Next !

Why do the French even have a national day ?
That, my french hating friends, is still an universal mystery. I mean why do the french anything ?
Scientists can’t study that, because the french are too smelly, slimy and rude to be studied (even while dead, decomposing, or both), so they can say that the most probable cause for the French to have a national day is to show us they’re a cool nation and go with the international trends.
I don’t really agree, because I think the slimy french are too rude to care about what is cool. They still wear berets you know !

I think that the French have a national day to show us their magnificent surrendering tanks, surrender jets, surrendering army, generals with brown pants, the most hairiest french women prostitutes, and to smoke together so they can make a huge smoke cloud to cloak France from American satellites. Actually as I’m writing this, there are pretty big clouds in the French Parisian sky.

Why am I not wondering about anything ?
You’re probably French. Check your pants … are they brown ?
If they’re not, you’re either on a modern american toilet (because on the french ones you will surely crap on your pants) or you’re a french woman (thus not wearing any pants at all).
You should also check for a French accent while you speak, and re-check the number of cigarettes you smoke daily.
I hate you.

That’s all for today, hope you understood the French nation more with this magnificent post.
And yeah, die in horrible pain you french sons of french hairy smelly surrendering bitches long live the French.

This french entry was posted Monday, July 14th, 2008 at 6:38 pm and is french filed under Just french. You can leave a french response, or trackback from your own french site.