30 reasons why Brits hate the French 3/3
21. Because they took the cow pat… and turned it into a hat
Well, that’s what the beret is, isn’t it?
22. Because their legendary “Va Va Voom” is a lie
They only spend an average 19.2 minutes on foreplay. The British take 22.5 minutes.
23. Because 50 per cent of them don’t even associate sex with pleasure
And 23 per cent say they would be “relieved” not to have sex for several months.
24. Because they patented the kiss
In fact, there is no actual word for “French Kiss” in French. It is simply embrasser avec la langue (literally, to kiss with the tongue). Colloquially it is referred to as rouler une pelle (to roll the spade). Only in Quebec is it “frencher”.
25. Because they’re big bullies
The French shoot, poison, trap, crush, stuff and then eat almost anything smaller than themselves. Box-nets are laid down across the Aquitaine countryside to trap skylarks, while Languedoc hunters blast turtledoves out of the sky.
26. Because the French health service is the best in the world
However, during a 2003 heat wave, the French health services, rated as a “world best” by the WHO, failed to prevent the deaths of 16,300 elderly people.
27. Because their country doesn’t work
Employers have to pay social security taxes equal to 48 per cent of each employee’s salary, so they take on fewer people, and France’s unemployment rate has hovered around 10 per cent for a decade.
28. Because they get up our noses
Forty per cent of French men, and 25 per cent of women, do not change their underwear daily – and only 47 per cent bathe every day (compared to 70 per cent of the British).
29. Because they invented Sadism
France is not only the birthplace of the Marquis de Sade but also of Renault’s flirty series of Ben and Sophie “Eiffel Tower v Blackpool Tower” TV ads. Talk about torture…
30. Because it’s taken them a thousand years to admit we’re better than them
“The standard of life of the British is higher than that of the French,” said M. le President Nicolas Sarkozy, in his 2006 autobiography. Finally.
December 29th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
If you want a really adolescent website, don’t look any further. Xenophobic, it has the sense of humour of a retarded 12-year-old.
Martin
December 29th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Glad you like it.
December 30th, 2007 at 8:42 am
Why did you had to write your name again…it already appears once. As if we should know you…