I hate french people

11. Because they can’t wait
Many French men still prefer the convenience of a trottoir to the public WC.

12. Because they lack humour
Before the Revolution, the French spoke of l’esprit (wit), or la farce (joke) but the word “humour” had no equivalent. Not until 1932 did the French Academy allow l’humour into the language.

13. Because we’ve been allowed to believe that French women don’t get fat
Current diet books claim that French women are thin because they eat only fresh produce, and slowly. However, French obesity rates are exploding and one in four French women is on some kind of mood-altering medication. Of course they’re not hungry – they’re stoned.

14. Because they do things the wrong way
The French take more suppositories than the rest of Europe combined. In 2006, they shoved 235 tonnes of pharmaceuticals up themselves. That’s equivalent to 1,850 Gérard Depardieus (approx.).

15. That goes for their wildlife, too
In 1998 alone, 25 million geese and ducks were force-fed in battery farms to make foie gras: the €20 hors d’oeuvre.

16. Because they love Jerry
In 1963, Jerry Lewis’s The Nutty Professor was voted “Best Film” in France. Le Roi du Crazy, as Lewis is known over there, holds the Legion of Honour, traditionally awarded only to victorious French generals: pretty rare.

17. And they hate Gerry
In 2005, national treasure Gérard Depardieu announced he was leaving France because: “Only the British understand me… They have a great sense of humour. It is the French who are cretins”.

18. Because they think their cooking is the best in the world
They boasted 26 three-starred restaurants in the 2005 Michelin Guide. However, the guide is a French institution. Could that be why the UK had only three? Coincidence, non?

19. Because of their incessant wining
Does France still make the best wine? Not if you go by the infamous Paris Wine Tasting of 1976, when an English wine merchant organised a “blind” tasting before a jury of French experts. To their horror, they rated Californian wines as winners in both the red and white wine categories. The French press first denied any tasting had happened, then claimed the results were fixed.

20. You can’t trust their wine labels either
In one 2002 case, a Burgundian vintner got jailed for rebottling 4,000 hectolitres of Algerian plonk as a much more expensive Bordeaux.

This french entry was posted Monday, December 24th, 2007 at 12:14 am and is french filed under Just french. You can leave a french response, or trackback from your own french site.