30 reasons why Brits hate the French 1/3
1. Because they’re losers
Rugby matches played by England against France since 1906: 89. We’ve won 47; they’ve won 35. Draws: 7.
2. Because they’re aggressive
Wars fought against France since 1066: 35. We’ve won 23; they’ve won 11. Mutual defeats: 1 (American War of Independence).
3. Because of Napoleon
200 French streets, monuments and institutions commemorate the era of Napoleon, the inventor of totalitarian dictatorship.
4. And because of the Napoleon Complex
While Napoleon was actually 5ft 6.5in tall, his aggression may have stemmed from “strikingly small, infantile and undersized genitals”, as revealed in his autopsy. The organ in question measured 1.25in.
5. Because they make love more than anyone else
On average, that’s 137 times a year; we only manage 119 times.
6. Because everyone believes they’re great lovers
But when asked about Napoleon’s love-making, French good-time girl Marguerite Josephine Weimer remarked that the Duke of Wellington was “beaucoup le plus fort”. Today, just 23 per cent of French people are happy with their sex lives compared to 25 per cent of Brits.
7. Because they love yappy dogs
More than nine per cent of French dog owners have a poodle.
8. But they won’t clean up after them
French dog owners refuse to pick up the 5,840 tonnes of dog-doo dropped on their streets each year.
9. Because they’re allergic to customer service
In London eateries, it takes an average 3.4 minutes to get a glass of water once a waiter has been alerted; in Paris it takes 17.9 minutes.
10. Because they’re rude
The “Paris Syndrome” is a medically recognised type of depression which afflicts foreign visitors, caused by the sustained rudeness of French people to outsiders.
December 17th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
That’s really good. And the other rules published were great too.
December 17th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Well, i’ll re-publish them too, but i thought 30 reasons on one page are too many.